I have a brain….

I have a brain….

tumor?  Okay, alright, let me back up a second here and not get ahead of myself.  I started having some double vision, dizziness, and strange headaches in the back/side on my right side.  I went to the eye doctor I usually go to.  He didn’t see anything wrong with my eyes, changed my prescription glasses a little bit and sent me on my way.

The problems continued.  In fact, I could/can only drive with a hand over one eye because all of the lines were/are running across the entire road.  Many of them.   When I put my hand over one of my eyes, I see perfectly.  And one night, when I was holding my head from the aching, I noticed it felt lumpy.  Just slightly but enough to alarm me.  And then there’s this foggy atmosphere.  I’m assuming things are blurred and that’s why it feels like that.  Sometimes my head feels like it weighs 100 pounds and other times it feels like it’s on fire.

And things keep getting worse.  Right now, I have an ache in the back/side of my head and even though I’ve been calling them headaches, my head just aches is more like it.  There is an ache followed by a feeling I couldn’t explain if I tried. I’d even go so far as to call it an out of body experience. So…

I made an appointment with my family physician.  After her check-up, she told me I had high blood pressure and that maybe, just maybe it was causing my headaches.  But I couldn’t really explain what my headache was or how it felt.  She ordered blood work.   I rarely go to a dr and have been known to wait 5 to 10 years in between visits.  So, they nail me down and check for everything when I go.

When the blood work came in, there were a few minor things she told me I needed to work on.  So I am.  Because I’m a good patient like that.

She then made me an appointment to have a CT of my head.  She said if that looked okay, the next step would be to see an eye specialist.   That happened yesterday.

After doing every test imaginable, he determined I have a nerve damaged from my brain that goes to my eye.  He told me what it was called but I couldn’t tell you to save my soul.  I was more worried about what he told me causes damages of this type.  He said this usually happens if someone has been in an accident and had a traumatic head injury.  I haven’t.  Or, if someone has a brain tumor. He suggested I have an MRI to rule out a brain tumor.  I can’t have an MRI because I have metal in my back from the surgery.

He then set me up with another specialist and they’re going to determine what to do next.  He said that finding the cause of the problem at this point is more important than worrying about fixing it right now.  Which he said he couldn’t do anyhow until the issue stabilized.  Find the problem, fix the problem, the problem solved fixes my issues. So, I have to wear a pirate eye patch to drive and just hurry up and wait to see what they can do since I can’t have an MRI.  My appointment isn’t until October because the next specialist was booked through October when they made my appointment, I was lucky they found a little window to slide me in on the 2nd.

I don’t know if I have a brain tumor and I’m not even certain there is a way to find out if I do because I can’t have the MRI that would show either way.  It didn’t hit me until today that there is a very real possibility that I could have a brain tumor and I thought about the fact that I’m moving.  I’ve asked myself a dozen times over the course of the last 24 hours if that was a smart move and I decided yes,  it is.  If things turn south for me, I want it to be when I’m at a place in my life that I feel good about all of the decisions I’ve made.   I won’t slow down, that you can bet on.  There are quite a few bloggers and reviewers in my immediate family who would happily keep my sites and memories going.  That’s something I would never have to worry about.  They know how much my legacy means to me. Even though I see a lot of nervous tension and a lot of medical expenses in my future, I see a lot of bonding and family time as well.  When I take my last breath, my life will just be beginning.  That’s a perfect reason for anyone to celebrate life, live well, and love hard.

Yesterday’s specialist did tell me that there have been a lot of successful operations for brain tumors.  He even told me of a recent surgery by one of his patients that was doing wonderfully.  So, there’s that.  And this is my long awaited update.

The news that no one wants to hear is closer than it's ever been. I might have a brain tumor.

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